| Round 1 | |||||
| 1 |  | Indianapolis | Andrew Luck | QB | Stanford |
| Indianapolis has some franchise upheaval going on right now. With no GM, no head coach and a very questionable returning Hall of Fame quarterback, the time might be ripe to make a long-term error here. Luckily, this pick is a no-brainer. | |||||
| 2 |  | St. Louis | Justin Blackmon | WR | Oklahoma State |
| St. Louis had a very disappointing season. They had troubles all over both their offensive and defensive lines. Questions sprung up as to whether Sam Bradford is actually a quarterback worth building around. Before jumping ship, let's see what happens when they give him a legit number one receiver. | |||||
| 3 |  | Minnesota | Calvin Klein | Department Stores | |
| To prepare for their move to Los Angeles, Minnesotans must empty their closets and buy whole new wardrobes to adjust to the changing climate. | |||||
| 4 |  | Cleveland | The LSU Tigers starting lineup | LSU | |
| Despite what you may have been told, not every NFL team is leaps and bounds better than a college team. In fact, I am pretty sure most of the Tigers would have started for the Browns last season. | |||||
| 5 |  | Tampa Bay | Josh Freeman 2010 | QB | Tampa Bay |
| Tampa Bay had promise and hope. Boy did they have hope. A tremendous 2010 season paved the way for one of the more disastrous 2011 seasons the NFL had to offer. Redrafting their quarterback in 2010 form seems like the smartest move they can make in order to recapture the magic they had. | |||||
| 6 |  | Washington | Matt Barkley | QB | USC |
| Matt Barkley has already decided to return to USC for his senior season. The Redskins should not let this deter them from selecting the talented quarterback. Much like how NBA teams select foreign players just to see them return overseas for another year, Washington should take Barkley and just wait another 12 months to reap the benefits. | |||||
| 7 |  | Jacksonville | Tim Tebow | QB | Florida |
| Yeah, I guess in hindsight they probably should have traded up for him. | |||||
| 8 |  | Miami | Morris Claiborne | CB | LSU |
| Even though they fired their head coach and are drafting in the top 10, the Dolphins really don't seem that far away. Throwing Claiborne, the nation's best cover corner, opposite the already established Vontae Davis will sure up the Fins' secondary. | |||||
| 9 |  | Carolina | Robert Griffin III | QB | Baylor |
| Sure they already drafted a wildly successful running quarterback a year ago in Cam Newton but if one could be that good, imagine what two could do. | |||||
| 10 |  | Buffalo | Jonathan Martin | OT | Stanford |
| There is nothing remotely funny about this pick…just as there is never anything remotely funny that happens in the city of Buffalo, NY. Just ask a Bills fan, if you can find one. | |||||
| 11 |  | Kansas City | Phoenix Suns Training Staff | NBA | |
| There is an almost reverent vibe that comes with the mention of the training staff of the NBA's Phoenix Suns. They have fixed Grant Hill, Shaq, propelled Steve Nash into his late 30s; there is nothing they cannot heal. The Chiefs will select them 11th and immediately introduce them to Jamaal Charles. | |||||
| 12 |  | Seattle | (draft pick forfeited because of recruitment violations) | ||
| Oh, you say Pete Carroll cannot commit recruitment violations in professional football? You've obviously never met the man. | |||||
| 13 |  | Arizona | Kurt Warner | QB | NFL Network |
| The Kevin Kolb signing seems to have been a bit of a mistake. Really the only quarterback in recent Cardinals history who has not been a mistake was Kurt Warner. Put A and B together. | |||||
| 14 |  | Dallas | Cliff Harris | CB | Oregon |
| Terence Newman and the Cowboys secondary was so often ripped to shreds this season, drafting a defensive back seems like the only logical solution. Even though there will certainly be more reliable DBs still on the board at this point, going with the legal question mark that is Cliff Harris brings Dallas back to their championship days. | |||||
| 15 |  | Philadelphia | Alshon Jeffery | WR | South Carolina |
| DeSean Jackson managed to ruin a good thing in Philadelphia. He soured everyone towards him so much, it seems quite impossible they will want to bring him back. Taking his place will be a talented wide receiver used to playing with a quarterback who did much the same thing at South Carolina. That experience will be priceless for Jeffery. | |||||
| 16 |  | New York Jets | (PASS) | ||
| In a surprising turn of events, Rex Ryan, Rex Ryan's ego and the New York Jets decide to forgo their first round pick and simply pass. Super Bowl favorites don't need first round draft picks. | |||||
| 17 |  | Cincinnati (from Oak) | Jeff Demps | RB/WR | Florida |
| In a kind homage to the late Al Davis, Cincinnati decides to use the Raiders' pick they obtained to make a very "Oakland" selection by picking the man who ran the fastest 40 time at the combine. | |||||
| 18 |  | San Diego | Trent Richardson | RB | Alabama |
| Everyone is in agreement that Ryan Mathews is not quite worthy of being a team's every down back. Everyone is also in agreement that Norv Turner will most certainly not draft anyone resembling a defensive player heading into a season where he needs his talents to shine in order to keep his job past 2012. | |||||
| 19 |  | Chicago | Vontaze Burfict | ILB | Arizona State |
| If not for a few (very crippling) injuries, the Bears would have been one of the favorites in the NFC heading into this year's playoffs. Instead, they are forced to wait another year. Providing depth for an aging linebacking corps could be a smart move. | |||||
| 20 |  | Tennessee | David Wilson | RB | Virginia Tech |
| "Screw you Chris Johnson!" -Titans Front Office Personnel | |||||
| 21 | | Cincinnati | Melvin Ingram | DE | South Carolina |
| With their second pick already in the draft, Cincinnati will try to sure up their defense, a unit that started out 2011 so promising but tailed off as the season progressed. | |||||
| 22 | | Cleveland (from Atl) | Any remaining Alabama Crimson Tide players | ||
| See: Cleveland Selection 4th overall for description. | |||||
| 23 |  | Detroit | Dre Kirkpatrick | CB | Alabama |
| Comparing Detroit's secondary to a sieve would be disrespectful to sieves. Just ask Matt Flynn and his new multimillion dollar contract. | |||||
| 24 |  | Pittsburgh | David DeCastro | G | Stanford |
| Offensive line help should prevent Ben Roethlisberger from being horribly crippled again next season like he was in the playoffs. Also helpful would be a defensive gameplan that doesn't try to openly mock the opponent's starting quarterback. | |||||
| 25 |  | Denver | Devon Still | DT | Penn State |
| …and you thought I was going to make some sort of Jesus joke. | |||||
| 26 |  | Houston | Michael Floyd | WR | Notre Dame |
| If it wasn't for Matt Schaub going down, the Texans may very well have represented the AFC in the Super Bowl. They have very few team flaws. Grabbing a real threat to spot opposite Andre Johnson should give opposing defensive coordinators nightmares. | |||||
| 27 |  | New England (from NO) | Dwayne Allen | TE | Clemson |
| Dwayne Allen is the best tight end in the draft. Rather than attempt to fill in holes, New England instead decides to build upon their strength. After all, there is no cap on tight ends on the depth chart. | |||||
| 28 |  | Green Bay | Andre Branch | DE | Clemson |
| The loss of Cullen Jenkins up front really seemed to make a huge difference last season. Without the big man, Green Bay got very little pass rush all season and ended with, statistically, one of the worst defenses in the league. | |||||
| 29 |  | New York Giants | Lawrence Taylor | LB | Jail |
| Not realizing the famed LT is not only long since retired but also guilty of serious crimes, the Giants once again try desperately to fill their huge void in the linebacking corps. | |||||
| 30 |  | Baltimore | Lamar Miller | RB | Miami (FL) |
| Although not technically a team need with the peerless Ray Rice in Baltimore, Ray Lewis and Ed Reed refuse to allow the Ravens to select someone here not a former member of The U. | |||||
| 31 |  | San Francisco | Nick Foles | QB | Arizona |
| The old 49ers would have drafted a quarterback here to destroy any confidence Alex Smith had built just because they were not completely sold on his future as a franchise guy. The new 49ers apparently think the same thing. | |||||
| 32 | | New England | Michael Egnew | TE | Missouri |
| Okay, now Bill Belichick is just being a jerk about it. | |||||
Todd Salem NFL Mockity Mock Draft - 20 January 2012
A Humorous Slant on the 2012 NFL Draft
Fri, 01/20/2012
